The Toytown Strangler
by Mathilda Dahl
Summary: A warped and very short parody of the Mr Men and Little Miss genre. Who strangled Little Miss Naughty and why?


**DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE UNDER 16.**

A warped Mr Men story. I'm sick of reading them to my kids. This is just so wrong of me.

Mr Clever sighed and snapped shut his note book. Of course, it had been Mr Nosey, the local peeping Tom, who'd discovered the body. Fishnet stockings ripped, her body a darker shade of purple with her tongue lolling out. There was a thick band of darkness around her middle, showing where the pressure had been exerted. It wasn't going to take an autopsy to tell him that she'd been strangled. He was after all, Mr Clever, which was why he was landed with the job of the local policeman whenever anything went wrong.

"She was asking for it, if you ask me." Muttered Mr Mean, looking over the hedge. "She had Mr Men round here all hours of the day and night. Earned the name 'little miss naughty', I'm telling you."

Mr Strong was sobbing on the tiled doorstep, his red square shoulders heaving up and down. He'd been her pimp for the past two years. Judging by his short arms, he could never have managed to strangle the rapidly cooling Little miss Naughty. And it wouldn't have been his style┘ pummeling her face into a bloody pulp every few weeks was more his style. Fortunately for her, bruises had never showed up well on her purple skin, so business hadn't suffered. No, if it had been Mr Strong there would have been a lot more damage to the corpse.

Of course, Mr Mean was a suspect as he'd ducked out without paying a few weeks ago without paying, and Strong had taken it out of his hide. But again, the stumpy little arms, and he probably didn't have the strength.

So who could it have been?

Well, Mr Grumble was prone to fits of rage, and he was the local pornographer: But still, Miss Naughty had been the star in all his grumble flicks, as none of the other little misses would perform in front of a camera. It would have been like killing the goose that laid the lucrative eggs.

Mr Nosey, who'd found the body, was just a voyeur, and apparently easily satisfied with ladies underwear. He also lacked the temperament. Mr Muddle would probably have tried strangling her foot, and Mr Impossible never went near anyone male or female due to persistant impotence. And since the victim had been given a good seeing to just after her death, that ruled him out.

Mr Lazy always called for home visits, and Mr Bump wouldn't be doing anything intimate for the next year after that incident with Mr Clumsy, Mr Perfect and the vacuum cleaner attachment. That also ruled them out on the grounds of 'lack of interest in little misses'.

Mr Fussy and Mr Uppity wouldn't have touched the poor miss with Mr Tall's ten foot pole, and there was no sign of the feathers and jelly babies from Mr Silly's fun-time play wear. Mr Small and Mr Skinny just wouldn't have had the strength, several others too.

He always wondered what Mr Jelly got up to in there though. Twice a week, regular as clockwork. Not that it would have been physically possible.. No, some things even Mr Clever's mind just shied away from.

Then the light dawned. of course, only one Mr Man was really capable of the deed. The local groper, _Mr Tickle_. Well known for snaking his arms into the little misses' bedrooms during the night for a quick feel, the pretending he was tickling them if they woke up. He got caught out a good one last time when little Miss Sunshine had woken up and frozen stiff while his hands had been sliding around her person. He'd done a two year stretch for that, and had only been released two weeks ago. Had he finally snapped? He had a pretty rough time inside, Mr Rush (jailed for causing death due to dangerous driving) had apparently been sodomizing him senseless most nights, and the other inmates of the tiny jail, Mr Mischief and Mr Cheerful hadn't been any different. Funny thing about old Mr Cheerful, he'd never have believed it if he hadn't seen the photographs when they busted him. Kittens. Mr Clever shuddered.

Time to gather up the rest of the force, Mr Noisy and Mr Busy. Time to arrest a murderer.


End file.
